Communication - Post-Separation Parenting and Mediation
Since time immemorial the one thing that connects human beings is our ability to communicate with each other. Even when we don’t speak the same language there is a universal connection underpinned by our emotional intelligence.
Good communication leads people to thrive on so many different levels. It is not based on the ability to use big words or being extra confident, it is based on the ability to convey your message in a way that your intended audience can understand and the willingness of your audience to understand what you are saying.
Without getting bogged down with the conceptual details of communication there are a few things I would like to highlight as follows;
Both verbal and non-verbal cues are important when you communicate especially when there is conflict. This is why when something is brewing, it is not ideal to communicate important messages via text. Because you can’t see the person, it is hard to decipher the tone of the message. When emotions are high, a lot of assumptions are made.
Assumptions are very dangerous. You can build a whole narrative based on assumptions, for a long time and then find out that what you were thinking is wrong. Imagine how much time you would have wasted.
If something being communicated to you is not clear. Ask a clarifying question to understand what is being communicated, saves a lot of headaches later.
Clarity is important in communicating. Use plain language and consider the person who is being communicated to and how they can better receive the message you are trying to convey. Repeating the same words and shouting louder will not make your message clearer than the first time.
Tone of voice helps us differentiate what type of message is being conveyed. It’s important that your tone matches the message you are conveying and what you are trying to achieve.
Listening is paramount! A very important element to the communication dynamics. Listen with the intention to hear what the other person has to say. Listen with the intention to understand.
Be open minded and avoid some common barriers to hearing like undermining the person speaking, just waiting for the person to finish so you can respond or interrupting, expecting people who speak a different language to speak exactly the same way you do and therefore not being open to understanding what they might be saying.
Speak Up if something is bothering you. Unless the people around you can read minds, they might never know that there is something wrong. Take accountability and raise issues or concerns in a respectful manner and resolve the matter.
On the contrary, learn to let some things go if they are not worth your time. Sometimes silence can be golden. It is a balancing act.
Tact is important when dealing with serious and sensitive issues. Just throwing out words into the universe when they come to you might not serve you well. Think about how the words will land, what emotions they might evoke, how the person you are speaking to is likely going to react.
We hope that some of these tips can help you when dealing with your family matters. It serves as a reminder for some of the things that you might already know, but might not be doing due to high emotions or other reasons.
REMEMBER: Words are powerful, in a positive and negative way and they can’t be undone.